World Events

No, South Korea... Actually it's you that needs to fuck off...

Jack — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:22:00 GMT

The link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18148802/

South Korea’s Foreign Ministry expressed its condolences, saying that there was no known motive for the shootings and that South Korea hoped the tragedy would not “stir up racial prejudice or confrontation.”

Hot tip from your local library: When one of your citizens comes over here and murders 32 of our people, try not to accuse us of racism during your “apology.”

I'm not a goddamn ape. I understand that one lunatic, especially one that has lived here most of his life, is not a reflection on your entire country.

On the other hand, when your official government statement implies that we're huge racists, it does strongly suggest that your government is full of idiots. It's hard for me to understand how we can be such racists when we gave tens of thousands of American lives to defend you from Communist lunatics in your own region, and continue to give immense amount of time and money to defending you from the descendents of the same lunatics.

So, South Korea, don't worry about me hating you because of your race. I have plenty of other very good reasons to hate you.

We have done many, many things for you. You have never done anything of note for us, unless you count making popular economy cars (and I totally don't). Huxley is your last chance. If it is not the most awesome game ever, or at least in the top 10... Well, I can't really be any less concerned with your wellbeing, but if it's not a great game, I'll defintely feel smug about what a pack of slanty eyed, schoolbus faced shits you people are.

Nifong...

Jack — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:58:00 GMT

The link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18079698/

Quoth Nifong: “It is my sincere desire that the actions of Attorney General Cooper will serve to remedy any remaining injury that has resulted from these cases.”

To translate that out of pretentuous douchebag-ese, that means “please don't sue me.”

Well, Mike, it's my sincere desire that those three kids bring lawsuits so large that it ruins you for the rest of your life.

I can't even imagine what sort of delusional personality that guy has to have to not understand the damage he has done, the recklessness he has acted with, the power he has abused, and the severe punishment he deserves.

No, no Mexico... Actually it is you that needs to fuck off...

Jack — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 14:40:00 GMT

The link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6390291.stm

“Mexico's parliament has condemned what it says is a border violation by US workers building a controversial barrier between the two countries.
Legislators say workers and equipment building a section of the barrier have gone 10 metres (yards) into Mexico.”

Why wasn't this article more widely reported? Mexican military vehicles, machineguns and troops, coming across the border, attempting to help drug dealers run in thousands of pounds of weed.

Are you fucking kidding me Mexico?

Oliver Stone's Hero...

Jack — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 14:01:00 GMT

The link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14178386/

Still hard at work.

The Poland Trap...

Jack — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 17:01:00 GMT

Link one: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13800932/
Link two: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055277/
Link three: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060771/

Let me start off by saying that Lech and Jaroslaw Kaczynski are some darling little hobbits. I had thought that none had survived the pogroms, but apparently there's still a bustling shire just outside of Brznkywlyky.

Both ran on a pledge to fight the cronyism that has since flourished, a message Jaroslaw stressed during brief remarks at the presidential palace.

Nothing says “no to cronyism,” quite like electing your own brother PM.

But, really, think of all the humorous Parent Trap sorts of antics these lads can pull when they're not too busy filching themselves the makings for second breakfast? I know, you're thinking that these are some serious fellows, they couldn't possibly pull off any of that sort of tomfoolery, right? How wrong you are.

The twins — who happen to be Geminis — first won fame as child actors in the 1962 hit film “The Two Who Stole The Moon.”

I looked it up, and apparently Gemini is the sign of the twins, so that little astrological joke was lost on me at first, but now I'm enjoying it in all its Morissettian irony.

IMDB describes the film: Twin brothers, Jacek and Placek, are the town's troublemakers. They're lazy, greedy and also cruel. They despise hard work, so they cook up a plan to make easy money that would make them rich for the rest of their lives: steal the moon and sell it. They set on a journey to find a place where the moon would be low enough for them to steal. Before they leave, they take the last loaf of bread from their poor hardworking mother. After numerous adventures the boys manage to catch the moon in a fishing net. But it is only the beginning of their troubles.

Nothing says cronyism, laziness, cruelty, and a penchant for the theft of astral bodies quite like 'Lech and Jaroslaw Kaczynski.'

Soccer REALLY sucks...

Jack — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 22:47:00 GMT

I couldn't find the video of this event online, but I saw it on TV. Basically what happened is Zinedine Zidane got pissed off, and headbutted Marco Materazzi in the chest. This resulted in Zidane getting sent off.

Now, just to recap, the World Cup finals were decided on penalty kicks. Like I said in my previous post, that's ridiculous. You don't see the Super Bowl getting decided by field goal kickoffs, and you don't see the NBA Finals getting decided by a free throw shoot off, and you don't see the World Series getting decided by a pitching machine home run derby. It's ridiculous crap.

But "ridiculous crap" doesn't even begin to describe the antics these "athletes" put on when they're trying to get a call. The trio of photos above show the aftermath of Zidane headbutting Materazzi in the chest. He ends up curled up on the field like he's been hit with a light howitzer. While it's completely impossible to injure an adult male by headbutting him in the chest, I wanted to be fair, so watched the video of this, and can confirm that it's entirely theatrical in nature. In fact, Materazzi does the typical soccer player move, when he's hit, he jumps up, pulls up his legs, and falls down, to make it look like he was just blown into the air by the force of the foul.

I know it's a tired old (American) saw, but soccer players are pussies. I realize that they play through injury, I realize that they train hard, but come on. They're pussies, at least within the society of athletes. A real warrior is not going to put on a show of how hurt he is, how badly your cruel tackle has made him scream and cry. It doesn't matter if it gains you an advantage or not. If you've got any pride in you at all, when somebody hurts you, you don't show it, you get back up, and you keep playing the game.

If you've been injured so badly that all you can do is curl up in a fetal position and scream into the grass, then you're almost dead. You're not so trivially impacted that you can get up after the red card comes out, and then hit one of the PKs for you team in the shootout.

Now, I understand that guys in the NBA will “flop” to try to draw a charging call, but they flop, then they get back up and play the game. They don't roll around on the floor, mock crying, trying to get the call. I'm also not saying that Zidane shouldn't get sent off for headbutting a guy during a stoppage in play. I'm just saying that in addition to being a sport that is entirely broken, soccer is a sport played by pussies. It sucks.

Ultimately soccer is a poorly governed affair in which the greatest advantage is gained by loudly demonstrating your victimhood. Is it any wonder that it's so popular in Europe?

Spaniards...

Jack — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 09:10:00 GMT

The link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13684460/

I guess this means we can expect the Spaniards to elect a train PM next chance they get.

Courtesy of 8nus...

Jack — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 01:01:00 GMT

The link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/21/AR2006062101518.html

Therefore, if North Korea persists in its launch preparations, the United States should immediately make clear its intention to strike and destroy the North Korean Taepodong missile before it can be launched. This could be accomplished, for example, by a cruise missile launched from a submarine carrying a high-explosive warhead. The blast would be similar to the one that killed terrorist leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in Iraq. But the effect on the Taepodong would be devastating. The multi-story, thin-skinned missile filled with high-energy fuel is itself explosive -- the U.S. airstrike would puncture the missile and probably cause it to explode. The carefully engineered test bed for North Korea's nascent nuclear missile force would be destroyed, and its attempt to retrogress to Cold War threats thwarted. There would be no damage to North Korea outside the immediate vicinity of the missile gantry.

Hey, I don't care if these guys were Clinton administration types or not. They're right. It hadn't occurred to me that we must have sat imagery of this missile, and must have very easy means of blowing it up. I suppose Clinton was never shy about firing Tomahawks at anything that offended him, so perhaps this strategy fits with his approach to military intervention, but this time around I think it's dead on.

Go to a meeting with the DPRK. Ask them how long it would take to have the missile down off the launch gantry and in storage. Tell them they have that long, plus an hour, to do so. Otherwise a Tomahawk will be on the way.

Let the protesters shriek.

ABA...

Jack — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 23:10:00 GMT

The link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13361343/

One quote in here jumped out at me:

Robert Einhorn, a senior adviser at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, said a U.S. shootdown of a North Korean missile on a test flight or a space launch would draw “very strong international reaction” against the United States. He saw only a small chance that the U.S. would attempt a shootdown.

My initial response was to agree that there would be a strong international backlash against the US if we did shot down the DPRK's test missile. When I paused for a second to think about that, I realized just how absurd it is. How petty, mindless and knee-jerk has the world's anti-Americanism gotten that we'd be demonized for telling current World Douchebagging record holder Kim Jong Il that he's not allowed to nuke us?

I mean, it's almost a favor to him. He wants to know if his missile will work for nuking the US. If we've got an anti-missile system that shoots it down, then the answer is “no.” Would we be doing our part as members of the international community by not allowing him to conduct a realistic test?

Seriously though, this is Anybody But America at its finest. The whole goddamned world is scared of DPRK and it's nukes, but they're still ready to jump all over us for refusing to protect them in a fashion as completely pussified as the way they protect themselves. Guys, if acting like a bunch of queens was an effective defense, you'd be completely inassailable.

Now, I honestly don't think our shitty anti-missile system would even work. If it did, 100% of the time, I think it aught to be a fucking Constitutional Amendment that we'd have to shoot down missiles launched by fat, pompadour sporting dictators. But that's not how we do. We just hop in a bubble bath with a copy of US is From Venus, Europe is From Even Gayer Venus, and try to figure out how to verbalize our commitment to hugs in a way that both redeems and affirms our precious allies around the world.

Noooo! Zarqi nooooooo!

Jack — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 10:13:00 GMT