I have a theory about advertising... It may not always be true, but at least a sizeable minority of commercials that seem to be promoting the positive traits of a product, are actually damage control. Take the series of Washington Mutual commercials that have been running lately. Referring to themselves by the cutesy moniker “WaMu,” they tell the viewer what a nice, friendly bank they are, not like the other, greedy, crotchety old banks out there. The natural response is to say “hey, here's a bank that wants to be seen as friendly, and considerate of the little guy, I bet they'll work hard to keep their promise.” But, based on recent personal experiences with “WaMu” I can tell you that this bank is lazy, unhelpful, mercenary as hell, and in no way friendly to the little guy. So, when you see the happy new commercials, what you're seeing is a bank that knows it's an evil piece of shit, and it's trying to pretty up its reputation.
Now, I'd like to do my little social commentary on their ads, but I'm concerned that my one reader in the world (that's you Gosh) might be gleefully concluding that I ran into some financial problems, and Washington Mutual was involved. Sorry, but no. What actually happened, is that I went through a very stressful month (or so) trying to buy a house that was in foreclosure. Washington Mutual, the primary lender on the house, was an incredible impediment to this process, and handled the proceedings like a pack of mafiosa (only less willing to return phone calls).
I shall explain... First off, I should note that I didn't know the house was in foreclosure when we made an offer on it. The seller, Alan, is a nice Scottish fellow, and while he's responsible for a great deal of hassle and worry for me, he's also a victim of circumstance, and got utterly crushed by the friendly folks at Washington Mutual. In any case, Alan wasn't fully aware of the nature of foreclosure proceedings, nor of the massive fines and lawyers fees that banks hammer you with if you don't make your payments. The public auction date for the house had been scheduled, but Alan thought he could just close before that date, pay off his loan, and be done.
Not so much.
Not only does the lender have the right to approve any sale, but they had also levied $20k or more in fines and lawyers fees against him, and now expected it all to be paid off along with the remaining principle. Alan didn't have that kind of money. This is where we go into a “short sale” situation, and a negotiation between Washington Mutual (the first lender) and Citibank (the second lender), as to who gets to eat more of the monetary shortfall. Now, Citi wasn't exactly fast, but ultimately they agreed to forgive all of Alan's debt, something like $15k, and let the sale proceed, which seems pretty friendly to a little guy.
Washington Mutual wasn't willing to commit to anything until they heard what Citi was willing to do. When Citi finally responded, Washington Mutual ignored calls for a few days before informing us that the woman who had been on the file had been transferred to a new division, they'd closed the file, and we'd have to talk to somebody else. The new woman didn't feel like answering her phone either, and her voicemail was full. Closing was mere days away, and Washington Mutual couldn't be bothered to get back to anybody.
Closing day came and went, and the public auction (and end of any possibility of getting the house) drew near. Finally, Washington Mutual got around to calling Alan back. They informed him that they weren't taking a short sale, the offer is $11K short of the loan principle, the value was there in the house, and they'd get their full loan amount, plus all their penalties and fees, one way or another. They said they'd call the Realtor, the incomparable Shooter Rob, and talk to him about his commission.
This is where Washington Mutual gets really charming. First they don't bother to call Rob until less than 24 hours before the deadline to cancel the auction. Then they demand that Rob give up his commission in order to make up the short. This is true customer service in action. Alan owes them the money, but they're willing to take it out of whomever's hide. Mine. Rob's. Alan's. Whomever. They're not going to waive any of their invented fines or lawyers fees, they want back MORE than what Alan originally owed them. Commissions are how Rob makes a living. Washington Mutual doesn't care. They're not budging. They're not meeting us halfway. We come up with the money, or we can't have the sale.
In the end, Alan, Rob and I all put in a bit more (I put in the most), and the sale went through. A happy ending that Washington Mutual did everything in its power to prevent, from laziness, to bureaucratic incompetence, to unmitigated greed and intimidation. Well, happy for me, since I get a new house. Alan has a divorce, ruined credit, and no money. But at least his credit isn't as ruined as it could be, right? Plus I chucked a $6k gift his way at closing, that's worth some positive karma, isn't it Gosh? Have YOU ever done anybody a $6,000 favor, Gosh, you lover of humanity? This evil conservative has...
All of which brings me back to the idiot commericals, and the simple fact that they're insanely racist. See, in 2007 America, “racist” is only something white people can do to non-whites. When Washington Mutual makes a horribly racist commercial, it's cute and funny, because it's racist against whites. The commercials feature a chipper black fellow dressed in his casual Friday attire, trying to calm down the “bankers” who are outraged by how customer friendly and generous all “WaMu's” policies are. The bankers are all middle aged white men, whiney and greedy carricatures of human beings. The only black person in the whole commercial is a good guy. Everyone else is evil and white.
Now, it's not like I actually find this offensive, because I don't really find racism offensive, or at least no more offensive than the myriad other mental defects that humanity forces me to witness on a daily basis. What irritates me to no end is the double standard. Imagine a commercial in which a nice white fellow is repeatedly accosted by fat lipped, jive-talking nigger types, who want to rob him and rape his sister. Let's say it's a commercial for Cape Cod or something, I don't know. Cape Cod! No filthy, violent niggers here! Just friendly white folk, who want to not mug and not sodomize you! It's nothing like a Federal prison! That would be very racist. And, in my opinion, hilarious. But, mainly it's racist, because it plays upon racial stereotypes, and I'm told that's not allowed...
Now, personally, I could care less about either commercial. If people want to be racist, fine, as long as they're not directly touching, breaking, stealing my shit, that's all I can really hope for from the goddamn primates milling around this planet. But if people want to pretend to be enlightened, to hate racism in all its forms, then they need to be boycotting Washington Mutual, not just for its entirely shitty customer service, but also because of its rampantly racist TV commercials.