I have several small issues that are bothering me right now, so I've decided to merge them into one combo plate, and serve them all up as one angry meal.
John Kerry, Linguist: One thing I've been told perhaps fifty times more than I needed is that John Kerry speaks French fluently, and that makes him very intelligent and cultured. So, with that in mind, I've seen a sound byte of him played about six times now, which has been wearing away at my sanity. The Daily Show used it as a 'moment of zen,' which gives you an idea of how insane it is, i.e. even the Daily Show thought it was so fucking insane that they had to mock it. Here's a rough transcript: “We have to do more. We have to do more to help people of Haiti! We have to do more... We have to do more... We have to do more... We have to do more pour l'Haiti! D'accord!” Without the sound byte, which I wish I could find, I'll have to describe it. First off, Kerry's one of these people that really “Frenches it up” when he speaks French. He gets all gutteral and pronouncy about it. And then, all he can come up with to demonstrate his fluency is “pour l'Haiti! D'accord!” Wow. Now, as we all know, this means “poor Haiti, they drive Hondas.” What makes it even better, though, is that he seems to be really pausing, and trying to think of what to say in French. I want more of this. “I have a plan! I have a plan! I have a plan! I have a plan! I want to look into the camera and promise you, that I have a plan. Puis j'allez a la toillette? Je m'appele Jean! Ou est la bibliotheque? That's right! Le style est sur la table! Sur la table, folks!” Listen to me John. Ferme le bouche. In case you're not fluent enough, that's Haitian for “shut the fuck up, whiteboy.”
Randi Rhodes, Well Paid Retard: Hussain insists that Randi Rhodes is the left's version of Rush Limbaugh. It's one of those things he says that seems like it's an attempt to placate me and justify some liberal assclownery, but based on how badly it reflects on the left, I can't tell if he's just trying to add to the horror of it all. Anyway, Rhodes is on the radio during my drive home from work, and she's just brutally stupid. She's got an almost pathological aversion to substance. I listened to her for as long as I could stand, and during the entire time I was listening, she never said a single concrete thing. She was very snide, sarcastic and juvenile, but there wasn't a single piece of useful information in the whole thing. The example that captures it, is her explanation of who Karl Rove is.
“Karl Rove is one of these lawyer guys that doensn't care, he just wants his way. There was this corrupt, criminal judge in Alabama, and he got voted out of office, this was an elected position, and Rove didn't like it. So Rove went to court, and a year later... A year later... He gets this judge put back in office. That's the kind of person Karl Rove is. He doesn't care about the will of the people, he just wants to get his way, and he's gonna get it. That's the sort of people Bush has trying to rig this election.”
Now, she's a very painful person to listen to. At one point, she belches during the show, and then laughs about it for a while. She pauses a lot to think, then blathers, then pauses, then blathers. I could forgive all that, if she just said one thing of value. She's just described some court case Rove has been involved in. She doesn't describe the merits of the case, the judge's decision, the outcome of the vote that put the judge out in the first place, etc. etc. etc. There's absolutely nothing to hold onto there. But apparently that's what flies with Rhodes' listeners. That's just depressing to me. Liberals don't want to think for themselves, as they so often applaud themselves as doing, they want to be given conclusions. Just the conclusion. At least Rush gives a slanted version of the truth, which leads you to the conclusion he supports... It's unreal. To cap it off, Rhodes actually said that her dog is smarter than George Bush. That's the sort of stuff she's got. That's the type of creativity she brings to the scene.