The big day is here. At midnight EST, the Assault Weapons Ban expires, and the entire nation plunges into chaos. I'm stocking up on canned goods, bottled water and patchoulli. I'm very glad I got my basement finished, that way I can hide out down there, sing songs of peace, practice my pan flute, and pray for governmental protection.
Seriously though, my dad is a broken man. 324 years spent married to a crazy Jewish Democrat, and 3 years in the US Army have really killed his frontier spirit, as evidenced by this Pelosian statement: “Of course the old assault weapon ban was a joke. But it was the best that could be done in the face of all the opposition from the gun lobby. It probably had SOME effect.” Dad, come on. I would think a man of your stature would understand that saying “no” to guns is saying no to metal, machines, loud noises, explosions, speed, and virtually everything that makes awesomeness awesome. Saying “no” to guns is saying “yes” to The Gay. Please bear something in mind here, Dad. The only thing that prevented your quote from getting the DeepPink color is the fact that you own so many power tools, and you're my Dad. Any more transgressions of this sort, and it's DeepPink for you.
1) Of course the old assault weapon ban was a joke: Then why pass it? Then why write whole web pages devoted to blathering about how awesome and useful it is? I'm sure that Grandpa Bomp had some sort of timely quote for this like: “If yer gonna half ass it, then just get yer ass outta here before I beat it off of you, ya commie.” Passing the Assault Weapons Ban was a legal and tactical embarassment. It says to the NRA, and anybody else who's looking, that the gun-control people are willing to pass pointless, harassing laws, strictly out of ignorance and spite for gun owners. With that sort of precedent set, of course you're going to see knee-jerk resistance from the NRA at all times.
The bottom line is very simple: Our founding fathers felt that firearms were so important, that they codified our right to own them in the Bill of Rights. The second right, listed only after the right to free speech, was the right to keep and bear arms. Now, I recognize that guns have changed a lot since then, and society has as well. But this is still the fucking Constitution we're talking about here, and it should be taken very seriously. Passing joke laws is not taking the 2nd Ammendment seriously. This is not about “appeasing the NRA” and such suggestions give insight into a mindset so unConstitutional that it has no business in lawmaking. Our lawmakers should be balancing our tradition and our freedom against our future and our safety. If they have absolutely no concept of, or respect for one side of that equation, they have no business in office.
2) But it was the best that could be done in the face of all the opposition from the gun lobby: Who do you think the gun lobby is, besides Americans who support gun ownership? Do you really think that the gun manufacturers have that much money? After all the lawsuits and bullshit they've been subjected to? Compared to somebody like George Soros? The simple fact is there are millions of Americans who think that their rights mean something, and who won't be made little Euro-slaves just because some coastal Democrats say they should.
The gun control people would just love for you to believe that the whole nation supports the AWB. “For these reasons, law enforcement has been united in support of banning these weapons. Every major national law enforcement organization in the country supported the Federal Assault Weapons Act and worked for its passage.” Wow, really? Then what the fuck is this?
According to a 1994 survey done by the Police Marksman Association:
95 percent of officers dislike the ban on large-capacity magazines.
92 percent oppose the assault weapons ban.
93 do not like the Brady bill.
According to a survey published in the July/August 1991 issue of Law Enforcement Technology, of 25,000 subscribers polled:
78.7 oppose the assault weapons ban.
84.6 percent hold the opinion that gun control does not reduce crime.
78.2 percent believe that gun laws will never prevent criminals from obtaining guns.
I really love the statistics side of this debate, because there's really no fucking truth at all to be found. I'm sure that a suitably omniscient power could give a good answer, but near as I can tell the statistics say whatever you want them to. In any case, I fail to see how law enforcement is united in its support of the ban, if 92% of the Police Marksman Association doesn't support the AWB. I tend to think it's the person who says something as stupid as this: “As explained above, assault weapons are a well-defined set of firearms designed for military combat, not civilian use.” Well-defined, huh? Jesus these people are stupid. Your law sucks, you suck, you're bad lawmakers, you've made everything black and white for yourself, and you're still confused.
Some more utterly fucking awesome stuff from that Brady Campaign page.
“Playing word games, the NRA often claims that the only true "assault weapons" are guns that can be fired in the fully automatic mode and that fully automatic guns have been strictly controlled since 1934.”
I can't fucking believe that they just said 'playing word games.' What is it about projection that so enamours liberals? They created the word games with the whole “assault [blahblah]” jargon in the first place. To people who actually know something about guns, and who count on languge to have meaning, “assault rifle” means something. So, when some liberal comes in putting “assault” in front of every fucking thing under ths sun, gun owners say “you mean, 'assault rifles?'” And the response is “stop playing word games with me!” The word game here is “assault.” It's trying to attach scary verbs to things to create associations with violence and attack. These guns are military in style? So why didn't we call them “military replica” guns, or “military simulation” guns? No, we don't play word games. They're assault weapons! ASSAULT. WEAPON. ATTACK. KILL. No word games here. It's too bad liberals can't invent an engine powered by disingenuousness.
“Assault weapons were designed for rapid fire, close quarter shooting at human beings. That is why they were put together the way they were. You will not find these guns in a duck blind or at the Olympics. They are mass produced mayhem.“
“ATF has also described semiautomatic assault weapons as 'large capacity, semi-automatic firearms designed and configured for rapid fire, combat use. ... Most are patterned after machine guns used by military forces.'”
Awesome. The ATF is just a pawn of the gun-control advocates. They're even helping with the word games. Er, I mean, the not-word-games. “Mass produced mayhem” Alliteration, I love it. And mayhem! SCARY. Too bad the ATF, despite nominally being in charge of firearms in this country, doesn't know what a machine gun is. Machine guns are not submachine guns, they're not assault rifles, they're not machine pistols, or any of that. They're large, heavy, often emplaced, often belt-fed weapons which are virtually impossible for American civilians to obtain, due to the NFA of 1934. Most of these “assault weapons” are patterned after military assault rifles, not machine guns. But the ATF doesn't really care, they're not interested in doing their job, they're interested in blaming the gun manufacturers. How about you look at it this way, ATF: If they ban guns, you're out of a job? Now man the fuck up, do your job, and stop passing the buck.